When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
