I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
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