Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
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