Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
