He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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