i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
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