Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
