I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Randomize
