i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
