dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I can't turn off my feet"
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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