today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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