I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
