yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
40s are totally the cure
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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