I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
