my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
It's just like the Real World with babies
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
