the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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