this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
