Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
