"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
