We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
tequila makes me forget i have legs
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
