do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
