The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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