I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
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