In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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