I think I died a long time ago.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
