i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
