butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
