Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
