I wish I could punch you in the face.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
