So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Randomize
