I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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