i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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