he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
