he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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