You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
