): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
