Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
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