Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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