Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
