then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
