I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
