I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
