so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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