My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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