i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
