he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
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