You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
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