drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
