Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
He did a backflip because drugs
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
