I just saw a hot homeless man
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize