i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
