I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
