I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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