one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
