I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
