I don't usually arrange sex via text message
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
