i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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