I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
