guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
