sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
