You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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