Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...

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(678): View more from Georgia

I gave up sex for lent.

(646): View more from New York

I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.

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(860): View more from Connecticut

what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?

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(210): View more from Texas

Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....

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(847): View more from Illinois

The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.

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(609): View more from New Jersey

I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.

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(802): View more from Vermont

At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!

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(715): View more from Wisconsin

What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?

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