Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
