you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
