You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
