I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
