i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
