dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Randomize
