I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
