If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
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